This is a transcript of Episode 6 of the WAK Talk podcast. Want to listen? Click here.
Are you selfish?
This isn’t necessarily a hard question to answer, but it is a question we don’t want to face. We don’t like to think of ourselves as being selfish.
I had a pretty selfish moment a couple weeks ago when I received some big news from my wife. I was brushing my teeth one night and glanced down at the counter to see a pregnancy test. It was positive. I looked at her and said: “No. Are you serious?”
It’s not like I could play the blame game and turn to my wife and say: “How could you?” Oh wait, I had a part in this too. No, God blessed us with another child because He’s saying: “You’re still selfish!”
My reaction was selfish. I thought my wife and I were done having kids. This wasn’t part of my plan. But this baby is part of God’s plan. He planned this in the beginning.
In my head, my plan seemed pretty good. Stop at 3 kids, we can finally get rid of the baby toys and clothes. And we just potty trained my youngest, so we would be done with diapers. And I thought after being married for ten years and having three kids, I was doing pretty good at getting rid of this selfish business. Not even close.
I’m a “Good” Person
What does it mean to be selfish? A simple definition is a concern for the self over others.
It’s easy to get this idea in our head that we’re a pretty good person. We aren’t that selfish. We think of all the things we do that are “good” by our own standards. But we don’t always think of the little things that are rooted in our selfishness. The little things we say, our attitudes, and even some of our actions. Or what about when we’re tired or hungry? Or when we’re sick? Who is our focus on then? Typically the self.
I can be a pretty selfish person. I like my alone time. And I’m a very scheduled and routine kind of guy. I could go days without being around another person, reading and writing. But that doesn’t make for a stronger marriage or a thriving family. That doesn’t lead to healthy relationships in general.
I’m still growing in this area, but I’ve had to learn to be more flexible and be willing to sacrifice some of my alone time. I’m still learning what serving my wife and family looks like. A lot of it means giving up what I want and how I want things. But, in doing so, I’m gaining a lot of new things. It’s not helpful to look at sacrifice as losing something—losing who I am, all my dreams, and everything I want. It’s about losing the old to gain the new. It’s about discovering who God made me to be, building new dreams, and finding new wants and desires. You have to look at each moment as a time to grow and learn. God has a purpose for everything. And I believe His plans and purposes are always good. But that doesn’t mean they won’t be hard.
Through God’s Eyes
What if we saw the world through God’s eyes?
What if we obeyed like Jesus did when He went to the cross?
Imagine if Jesus grumbled and complained about going to the cross. Imagine if He didn’t take the plan His Father and He made to save humanity seriously. He wouldn’t be much of a savior, would He?
Not My Will
Jesus knew it would be hard. He knew the pain He was going to have to endure. And yet, He willingly went anyway. He knew it was the only way to save you and me. He trusted and obeyed His Father. Before being arrested Jesus prayed: “‘Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done’” (Luke 22, verse 42).
What if we did the same? What if we say “yes” to God? Say, here I am for Your purposes, Lord. Not my will, but Yours be done.
That means, when you find out your wife is pregnant, you praise God and know that He has placed this baby in your hands to raise in the way that He wants the child to go. That means, when faced with a challenge, you take it on, trusting in God, and asking Him to show you what He wants you to learn. That means, when a difficult season strikes, you can trust that the Lord has a good plan and purpose for you going through it. He doesn’t promise easy. He promises to be with you. Listen to Him. Trust Him.
Do Not Grumble
But how do we get to this point? How do we cultivate this kind of attitude? The Bible tells us not to grumble or complain.
Philippians 2, verses 14-16 tells us: “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, ‘children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’ Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.”
How can we do everything without grumbling? By cultivating an attitude of gratitude. Do you stop and take time to think about all the things you have to be thankful for? We have so much to be thankful for. Even in difficult times, we can be thankful. God blesses us in so many ways. He gives us air to breathe. He created the sun, the moon and the stars, and all the beautiful nature around us. He made our brains to think. He provides us with clothes, food, shelter, and so many other things. Everyone, no matter what circumstance, has something to be thankful for. You may have to think harder than others or focus on smaller things to find something, but God deserves all our praise and thanksgiving.
And if you are having a hard time thinking of something because of what you’re going through right now, look to Jesus. He paid the ultimate price. He gave His life on the cross to pay the price for your sins. And He rose to life again, defeating death, so that you could live. We can’t thank Him enough for that amazing gift! That alone should make us wake up each day praising God and giving thanks! But we choose to grumble and complain about such little things. Things that God put in our lives or allowed in our lives for a specific purpose. He has work to do in our lives and in the whole world that He chooses to invite us to be a part of.
But often, His invitation is met with grumbling and complaining. Just like my reaction to my wife being pregnant. He’s inviting me into the work He has planned for this baby. He has plans for this baby and wants my wife and I to care for and raise this unique and precious person that He made in His image. It’s so incredible to think about how God moves and works in each of our lives! But when we choose to grumble, we are telling God we don’t want to be part of His plan. We don’t trust that He knows best. We want to make our own plans.
Instead of grumbling, I need to praise Him for His perfect plans. Instead of complaining, I need to be thankful for where He has me.
How about you? What grumbling and complaining do you need to turn upside down? What do you think God is trying to teach you right where you are? How can you be thankful today?
When we cultivate an attitude of gratitude, our focus is off of ourselves. Our focus is on who God is and all the things He does for us and the plans He has for us. This allows us to be free from selfish thoughts and actions.
When we say “yes” to God and seek to obey His will, we are denying ourselves so that we can live as God calls us to live.
I’m not saying ignore how you feel, but I am saying change how you’re thinking. I may not feel like having another kid, but I can allow God to help me change my thinking. Instead of thinking about how much another child costs and all the work it takes, I want to think about the joy and blessing it is to raise a child. And God graciously gives us this privilege and responsibility. It’s pretty amazing!
What I’m getting at is that in order to be less selfish, we need to seek to understand God’s will. That means getting to know Him more in His Word and through prayer to be able to see His purposes and trust and obey His leading. He has a good purpose for everything we go through. We just need to be willing to listen to Him.
Take time today to speak and listen to God. Ask Him to show you what He’s teaching you right now. Ask Him to give you eyes to see as He sees.
We are not our own. We were bought at a great price. Not to be put into slavery, but to free us from slavery. To free us from our sin.
It’s not about our will or plan. It’s about God’s. He knows what’s best. His purposes are for our good and for His glory.
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Give thanks in all circumstances. God has a good purpose for everything.
My biggest takeaway from this is that God’s been teaching me that He has a good plan and purpose for everything. It may be hard and not what we want but God has a good purpose for it—to transform and mold and shape us. He wants to change our thinking and give us His perspective.
Here’s the thing, if I want to be less selfish, then I need to look up more. I need to be working on my relationship with Jesus, just like I said earlier, by getting in the Word more and praying more. Then I’ll have a better perspective and a better attitude to go out and serve others—serve my wife, my kids, and my community.
I’d love to hear from you. Send me your hard questions and I may use them for future episodes.
